This is the actual page of Nintendo Survivor (ParaGoomba348).
Episode 1. Never doin' this again... (Part 1) Edit
Tabuu: Welcome to Nintendo Survivor, a game show involving 64 striving contestants, action, humor, romance, one winner, and me. We have 64 people coming to you today, the ones with the best audition videos made it in, so apologies to those who almost made it in but didn't quite make it. Here comes our first contestant, Mario!
Mario: It's a-me, Mario! I'm-a happy to be-a here!
Tabuu: That's great, Mario. Go stand over there.
(Mario stood over at the dock)
Tabuu: Our next camper is Donkey Kong!
Donkey Kong: It's really cool to be here, you know.
Tabuu: Nice positive attitude, DK! (Under his breath) He's gonna need it. (Normal) Go stand right there, Donkey Kong.
Donkey Kong: Okay. (Donkey Kong stood right next to Mario)
Tabuu: Campers 3-5 are Kirby, Meta Knight, and King Dedede!
Kirby: It's so awesome to be here! They have food, fun, and lots o' stuff!
Meta Knight: It is an honor being here, Tabuu.
Tabuu: Thank you.
King Dedede: Go Team King Dedede!
Meta Knight: I'm not on Team King Dedede.
Kirby: Why not?
Meta Knight: I don't want to.
King Dedede: Shut up and do your work.
Meta Knight: Not with you in charge!
Mario: Calm down, all of you!
Kirby: They need to.
Tabuu: Okay, Kirby, Meta Knight, King Dedede, all of you go stand over there.
(Kirby, Meta Knight, and King Dedede stood next to Mario and Donkey Kong)
Tabuu: Contestants 6 and 7 are Count Bleck and Dimentio!
Count Bleck: Okay, Dimentio. Remember, if I don't win, you HAVE to win or else you face strict punishment.
Dimentio: Like what?
Count Bleck: Like not flirting with Mimi. You know she doesn't like you, right?
Dimentio: Who cares? She's a pretty girl.
Count Bleck: Ah, Dimentio, what an odd jester you are.
Tabuu: Bleck, Dimentio, go stand there.
(Count Bleck and Dimentio stood next to Mario, Donkey Kong, Kirby, Meta Knight, and King Dedede)
Tabuu: Camper number 8 is Princess Peach!
Peach: Hello, Mario!
(Mario took off his hat)
Mario: Hello, Princess! (Mario knelt down and kissed Peach's hand)
Peach: (Giggle) I'm glad to see you, Mario.
Tabuu: Okay, Peach, go stand there.
(Peach stood next to Mario, Donkey Kong, Kirby, Meta Knight, King Dedede, Count Bleck, and Dimentio)
Peach: Count Bleck and Dimentio?! What are you guys doing here?! Why are you here?!
Count Bleck: Why not?
Dimentio: He told me to come along with him.
Count Bleck: Ssh!
Tabuu: Camper 9 is Fox McCloud!
Fox: Hey guys. Nice day, isn't it?
(Fox looks around)
Fox: Hey! This isn't a summer camp! This is a mess!
Tabuu: I know. I lied in the brochure.
Fox: This is awful!
Tabuu: Go stand there.
(Fox stood next to Mario, Donkey Kong, Kirby, Meta Knight, King Dedede, Count Bleck, Dimentio, and Peach angrily)
Donkey Kong: You know, Fox. You don't have to act like this.
Fox: (sigh) Fine.
Tabuu: Campers 10-17 are The Squeak Squad: Daroach, Spinni, Storo, Doc, Squeaker Red, Squeaker Blue, Squeaker Yellow, and Squeaker Green!
Daroach: Everyone remember your goal?
Spinni: To hone our skills?
Storo: To pound Kirby?
Doc: To increase our intellect?
Squeaker Red: To have a good time?
Squeaker Yellow: To pull pranks?
Squeaker Green: To throw bombs?
Squeaker Blue: To throw BIGGER bombs?
Daroach: Wrong, all of you. The correct answer was, to win!
Storo: Me not understand.
Doc: I get it. But it will increase our intellect.
Squeaker Red: No!
Squeaker Yellow: I was wrong!
Squeaker Green: Punishment time!
Squeaker Blue: Let's just go to our rooms.
(The Squeakers began to break down and cry)
Daroach: ...(sigh) You WILL have punishments if you act like this.
Tabuu: You eight, go stand next to everyone else.
(The Squeak Squad stood next to Mario, Donkey Kong, Kirby, Meta Knight, King Dedede, Count Bleck, Dimentio, Peach, and Fox)
Tabuu: Camper number 18 is Mimi!
Dimentio: Mimi's here?! You never told me, Count!
Count Bleck: I didn't want any flirtatious fighting on the way here, so I brought Mimi separate.
Dimentio: Is O'Chunks here?
Count Bleck: ...No, I didn't want PAINFUL fighting.
Mimi: Hi Count Bleck! Hi Dimentio! *Sexy voice* Hi Count Bleck! *lowers eyes*
Dimentio: You said Count Bleck twice.
Mimi: I LIKE Count Bleck!
Count Bleck: ...Okay.
Dimentio: Ever thought of liking me?
Mimi: NEVER!! I NEVER THOUGHT ABOUT IT!!!! WHY?
Dimentio: I thought we could-
Mimi: FORGET IT!!!
Tabuu: To avoid fights, Mimi, stand over there.
(Mimi stood next to Mario, Donkey Kong, Kirby, Meta Knight, King Dedede, Count Bleck, Dimentio, Peach, Fox, Daroach, Spinni, Storo, Doc, Squeaker Red, Squeaker Blue, Squeaker Green, and Squeaker Yellow)
Tabuu: Campers 19-22 are Ness, Paula Polestar, Jeff Andonuts, and Prince Poo, or the Chosen Four!
Ness: We're... we're here, aren't we?
Jeff: Are you stupid?
Paula: Jeff, he's not stupid. He's just excited about being here.
Poo: *sniffs air* This doesn't smell like a place I'd be excited about going to...
Ness: I'm glad about competing with everyone else! I KNOW this place is a piece of junk!
Paula: No need to blow up, Ness...
Tabuu: Okay, you four, go stand next to everyone else.
(The Chosen Four stood next to Mario, Donkey Kong, Kirby, Meta Knight, King Dedede, Count Bleck, Dimentio, Peach, Fox, Daroach, Spinni, Storo, Doc, Squeaker Red, Squeaker Blue, Squeaker Green, Squeaker Yellow, and Mimi)
Tabuu: Okay, now campers number 23-25 are Falco Lombardi, Peppy Hare, and Krystal!
Falco: I'm glad being here. Hey Fox! Don't be chicken, gimme a hug, bro!
Fox: Okay. *Fox gave Falco a big bear-hug*
Peppy: DO A BARREL ROLL!
Krystal: Peppy, do you ever stop?
Peppy: DO A BARREL ROLL!
Krystal: STOP ALREADY!
Peppy: DO A BARREL ROLL!
Tabuu: Okay, stand next to everyone else.
(Falco, Peppy, and Krystal stood next to Mario, Donkey Kong, Kirby, Meta Knight, King Dedede, Count Bleck, Dimentio, Peach, Fox, Daroach, Spinni, Storo, Doc, Squeaker Red, Squeaker Blue, Squeaker Green, Squeaker Yellow, Mimi, Ness, Paula, Jeff, and Poo)
Tabuu: Captain Falcon is camper 26!
Captain Falcon: Show me your moves! I'm a speed racer, fast and furious, through the fire and the flames I carry on!
Tabuu: Cool. Why don't you stand next to everyone else?
(Captain Falcon stood next to everyone else)
Tabuu: Campers 27-29 are Luigi, Yoshi, and Wario!
Luigi: Luigi time!
Yoshi: I love fruit!
Wario: Wa-ha! Wario will win!
Captain Falcon: Not if I win first.
Count Bleck: Or me.
Dimentio: Or me.
Tabuu: Okay, settle down guys.
Mario: Luigi! Yoshi! Wario!
(Luigi, Yoshi, and Wario stood next to everyone else)
Tabuu: Campers 30 and 31 are Princess Daisy and Princess Rosalina!
Captain Falcon: Yes! More females!
Daisy: I have a boyfriend.
Captain Falcon: Is his name Douglas?
Daisy: No, his name's Luigi.
Rosalina: I don't, but I certainly don't want YOU to be my boyfriend.
Captain Falcon: That's too bad!
Tabuu: Settle down, Falcon. Go stand with everyone else, princesses.
(Daisy and Rosalina stood next to everyone else)
Tabuu: Camper number 32 is Samus Aran!
Samus: Hi. (Lowers eyes, most guys smile or blush)
Captain Falcon: Be my girlfriend and we will go places! We will be the two happiest people in the universe!
Samus: I'm already the happiest person in the universe. I'm not dating you.
(Everyone else laughs)
Count Bleck: That has lightened my day!
Daroach: Some humor, actually.
Spinni: That was actually mildly funny.
Falco: NICE!!!! HA HA HA!!!
Wario: WA HA HA HA!
King Dedede: Best stuff I've heard all day! (Slaps knee)
(Captain Falcon is blushing)
Captain Falcon: Stop! That's not funny!
Tabuu: Ha, ha... Samus, go stand with everyone else.
(Samus stood next to everyone except for Captain Falcon)
Storo: Hey, what's that?
Daroach: It better be important.
Luigi: I think it is!
Mario: I fought that goon before...
Yoshi: Oh, he almost defeated Mario! That creep... (Looks up)
Donkey Kong: What's he doing here?
Dimentio: Bleck, do you know this guy?
Mimi: Would've rather known him than you.
Dimentio: Yeah, but you're lucky you know me.
Mimi: (Scoffs) As if.
Count Bleck: I do not know him.
(A pale yellow, muscular, anthropomorphic bird fell from the sky and landed on Daroach)
Daroach: Get off of my, you big pile of feathers!
Squeaker Red: You're funny!
Squeaker Green: Encore!
Squeaker Blue: You're my favorite comedian!
Squeaker Yellow: Were you in Stepbrothers?
Daroach: No, there really is a guy on me.
???: Sorry 'bout that. (Got off of Daroach) I am the Great Rawk Hawk! The best fighter in the Glitz Pit!
Rawk Hawk: Really I am! Ask Grubba! He should be here... now.
Tabuu: Well, I guess that meant that camper 33 was Rawk Hawk, next is Grubba!
Grubba: Howdy, y'all!
Dimentio: (Whispering to Count Bleck) I hate this guy's accent.
Count Bleck: (Whispering to Dimentio) So do I.
Grubba: So, Great Rawk Hawk, have you been practicin'? Yer fightin' skills seem to have been 'mproved.
Rawk Hawk: YEAH!! Thanks, Grubba!
Grubba: No problem, pardner!
Tabuu: Rawk Hawk, Grubba, go stand with everyone else.
(Rawk Hawk and Grubba stood next to everyone else)
Tabuu: Camper 35 is Black Shadow!
Black Shadow: Hm. Been a while, Falcon.
Captain Falcon: Enough with that. (Pounds fists together) It's time to brawl.
Black Shadow: (Chuckles) Bring it.
Tabuu: No, not yet, guys. Black Shadow, stand with everyone else.
(Black Shadow stood next to everyone else and smirked at Captain Falcon)
Tabuu: Camper number 36 is Samurai Goroh!
Goroh: AAAAAAAAAH! Falcon, you're here! (Snarls) You're goin' down!
Captain Falcon: Did you have to bring all my rivals here?
Tabuu: Yes. Camper number 37 is Blood Falcon!
Blood Falcon: So, Captain Falcon, we're all here for one purpose: To defeat YOU!
Captain Falcon: Gimme a break, Tabuu.
Tabuu: Fine. Camper number 38 is Jody Summer!
Captain Falcon: Jody! It's been a while.
Jody: Hello, Falcon. Good seeing you.
Tabuu: You guys dating?
Jody: Douglas and I? No.
Captain Falcon: Douglas was my nerd name. Now, I'm Captain Falcon.
Jody: (smiles) You'll always be Douglas to me.
Tabuu: Okay, Goroh, Blood Falcon, Jody, stand next to everyone else.
(Goroh, Blood Falcon, and Jody stood next to everyone else)
Tabuu: Campers 39 and 40 are Ms. Mowz and Admiral Bobbery!
Ms. Mowz: World's greatest mouse thief, here!
Storo: She doesn't know who she's messing with.
Doc: She doesn't know us. Right Spinni? Spinni?
Spinni: This girl... Her eyes... They remind me of diamonds...
Daroach: You okay, Spinni?
Ms. Mowz: (Giggled) Oh, you're so sweet! What's your name?
Spinni: I am Spinni. Are you Ms. Mowz?
Ms. Mowz: I am.
Bobbery: Now, Mowz, do not get overexcited. We have not even began the adventure yet!
Ms. Mowz: What? Do you think I'm in LOVE with Spinni or something?
Bobbery: ...Well, no, but...
Ms. Mowz: No reason to say I'm overexcited.
Tabuu: Okay, you two, stand over there.
(Ms. Mowz and Admiral Bobbery stood next to everyone else)
Tabuu: Campers 41-43 are Lucas, Kumatora, and Duster!
Kumatora: Why are we even here, Duster?
Duster: I thought it would be fun.
Kumatora: Get me out of here.
Lucas: I'm shy! Get me out too!
Ness: It's okay, Lucas. I'm here...
Lucas: Well, okay.
Tabuu: You three go stand next to everyone else.
(Lucas, Kumatora, and Duster stood next to everyone else)
Tabuu: Camper 44 is Ninten!
Ninten: Hey guys! Nice day, isn't it!
Tabuu: Why, aren't you Mr. Hyperactive?
Ninten: Kind of.
Ninten: Ness, Lucas!
Tabuu: Stand with everyone else, Ninten.
(Ninten stood next to everyone else)
Tabuu: Campers 45-48 are Pikachu, Pokemon Trainer, Lucario, and Mewtwo!
Pokemon Trainer: Hey guys!
Meta Knight: Tell me your name.
Pokemon Trainer: Well, uh, (Thinking about the beef he recently ate) my name is Beef! I mean, Red!
Donkey Kong: Beef? Really?
Lucario: Quit making a fool of yourself! We need to get serious!
Dimentio: I'm already deadly serious.
Dimentio: Watch. (Dimentio summoned a portal/void)
Count Bleck: Whoever taught him how to do that is beyond me.
Mimi: It's really not that impressive either.
Tabuu: Campers 49 and 50 are Geno and Mallow!
Mallow: Oh my gosh! It's so awesome to be here! Mario, Peach... everyone's here! Except Bowser.
Tabuu: Go stand with everyone else, guys.
(Geno and Mallow stood with everyone else)
Tabuu: Camper number 51 is Bowser!
Rawk Hawk: Hey... Mario fought you in the Glitz Pit, didn't he?
Bowser: Yes. Bleck, Dimentio, Mimi, I have unfinished business with you!
Mimi: Like what? Killing that moron, Dimentio?
Dimentio: Only because she has a crush on me. (Smiles)
Mimi: (Blushing) I do not!
Bowser: Where's that no-brain O'Chunks?
Count Bleck: Not here.
Ms. Mowz: I remember fighting you!
Bobbery: It was quite a fight indeed.
Bowser: It was.
Mario: Only because I-a won!
Tabuu: Bowser, you can go stand with everyone else.
(Bowser stood next to everyone else)
Tabuu: Campers 52-54 are Link, Midna, and Zelda!
Link: Hello, my friends.
Midna: THIS is Summer Camp, Link?
Zelda: Yes, Midna. If you watch cliche movies, you'll find that Summer Camps do not generally look good.
Link: But there's no television in Hyrule! Only theaters!
Zelda: ...Plays, I mean.
Tabuu: Campers 55-58 are Marth, Roy, Ike, and Lyn!
Marth: Hello, it is good to see all of you.
Roy: I think it's really awesome!
Ike: Enough room to STREEEEEEEEEEEETCH my muscles!
Lyn: Hm... I think it's pretty good being here.
Tabuu: Why don't you guys stand next to everyone else?
(Link, Zelda, Midna, Marth, Roy, Ike, and Lyn stood next to everyone else)
Tabuu: Campers 59 and 60 are R.O.B. and Mr. Game & Watch!
R.O.B.: Area Identified. Summmer Camp, Camp Nintendo, right off the coast of Hyrule and the Mushroom Kingdom. Uncharted and unknown to the public.
Mr. Game & Watch: This place seems like a nice place to go for a walk.
Tabuu: Not really, no. Hey, we've only got three people left! Camper number 61 is Pokey Minch!
Pokey: (To Ness) Hi Pig's Butt!
Ness: (Sigh) I'm Ness.
Pokey: Pig's Butt!
Ness: Shut up, Pokey.
Tabuu: Camper 62 is Wolf O' Donnell!
Wolf: Whadd'ya know, Pup? I made it here as well!
Fox: Cut it out, Wolf.
Wolf: You know, if anything, I'm going to dominate you.
Fox: I said, cut it out!
Tabuu: Finally, Camper 64!
Mario: Oh no!
Luigi: Not him!
Ms. Mowz: Why here? Why him?
Bobbery: Arm yourself, boy!
Daroach: Not impressed.
Count Bleck: Neither am I.
Samus: I've seen bigger and scarier.
(Camper 64 was Sir Grodus)
Sir Grodus: Ah, good seeing you again, Mario!
Mario: What are you-a doing here?
Sir Grodus: It's a redemption! You THOUGHT you defeated me, didn't you? But you DIDN'T defeat me!
Tabuu: Now that we have all 64 contestants, time for teams! Okay. When I call your name, stand over (points to the rock) there. Mario, Luigi, Yoshi, Peach, Rosalina, Count Bleck, Dimentio, Kirby, Meta Knight, Fox, Falco, Mimi, Ms. Mowz, Sir Grodus, Krystal, Daroach, Spinni, Squeaker Red, Squeaker Green, Marth, Lyn, Samus, Ness, Jeff, Ninten, Kumatora, Duster, Paula, Donkey Kong, Mr. Game & Watch, Bowser, Geno, you will be the Battle Blades! (Handed them a flag with two swords on it)
Mario: I like this.
Dimentio: I'm on the same team as Mimi!
Mimi: Shut it.
Daroach: What about Storo, Doc, Squeaker Blue, and Squeaker Yellow?
Tabuu: Doesn't matter. Time for the second team. Wario, Rawk Hawk, Grubba, Lucas, Poo, Captain Falcon, Jody, Blood Falcon, Black Shadow, King Dedede, Admiral Bobbery, Mallow, Ike, Roy, Link, Zelda, Ganondorf, Midna, Pikachu, Lucario, Beef, Mewtwo, Storo, Doc, Squeaker Blue, Squeaker Yellow, Samurai Goroh, Daisy, Wolf, Peppy, R.O.B., and Pokey, you guys will be the Blast Bombs! (Handed them a flag with a bomb on it)
Wario: Wa-ha! I like being team captain!
Peppy: DO A BARREL ROLL!
King Dedede: WHY? WHY AM I SEPARATED FROM THE REST OF TEAM KING DEDEDE?
Tabuu: Okay, now the Battle Blades will sleep in the West Cabin, the Blast Bombs will sleep in the East Cabin.
Meanwhile, inside the Battle Blades' tent
Mario: The Battle Blades are the best! We will win EVERY challenge!
Spinni: Humility is the greatest aspect of a ninja, Mario.
Mario: Spinni, don't start doing this.
Donkey Kong: Don't know about you guys, but I LOVE this place!
Kirby: Do you think we'll get food?
Meta Knight: Probably.
Count Bleck: Well, Dimentio, at least we won't be competing.
Dimentio: Right! Don't you agree, Mimi?
Mimi: ...Who cares?
Geno: Do you really think we'll enjoy this from now until the end?
Meanwhile, inside the Blast Bombs' tent
Wario: We are the Blast Bombs! We are the best!
Rawk Hawk: Only because The Great Rawk Hawk is on it.
Midna: This is great for scaring people!
Link: Don't get too excited, Midna.
R.O.B.: Area Identified. This is a cabin. This is a facility in which we sleep.
Squeaker Blue: You're so smart, R.O.B.!
Squeaker Yellow: Almost nerdy!
Storo: If only Daroach were here! He help us out!
Doc: Storo, the correct term would be He would help us out.
Storo: Me no care!
(There was a scream from The Battle Blades' cabin)
King Dedede: Let's go check it out.
(Ms. Mowz is cornered by a chimera)
Spinni: Ms. Mowz, don't scream like that. How'd a chimera get here anyway?
(Spinni threw some shurikens at the chimera, it fell over and disappeared)
Ms. Mowz: Thank you, Spinni! (Her eyes sparkled)
Spinni: If that happens again, just call me up to do it.
Daroach: Spinni, I swear, if you become attached to this girl, I will kick you out of the Squeak Squad.
Spinni: Who said I was attached?
Sir Grodus: I think Tabuu wants us.
Tabuu: All of you guys, with me. I will take you to the mess hall.
(Tabuu took all 64 to the mess hall)
Chef Kawasaki: I am your Chef, I will make you food and you will EAT it! I don't care HOW gross it is, you WILL!
Kirby & King Dedede: AWESOME!!
(Chef Kawasaki handed Mario some food)
Mario: This is-a food?
Luigi: Bowser made-a better food!
Mario: He-a does make a mean hamburger!
(Kirby and King Dedede got food)
King Dedede: Yummy!
(Wario got food)
Wario: Wa-ha! Wario enjoys!
(R.O.B. got some food)
R.O.B.: Item identified. It is a meal created by Chef Kawasaki, made at exactly 2:37 AM, meant for us to eat.
(Mimi and Dimentio got food)
Mimi: This is disgusting.
Dimentio: I'll throw it away for you.
Mimi: No thanks.
Count Bleck: Dimentio, what did I tell you about flirting with Mimi?
(Spinni and Ms. Mowz got food)
Ms. Mowz: This is gross.
Spinni: I agree.
Daroach: This is garbage!
Storo: No, it's food!
Doc: Poorly made food at that.
Chef Kawasaki: You don't like my food?! (Threw a knife at Doc, but it missed)
Doc: (Scared) No, no! I love it! I want to eat it every day!
Kirby: So do I!
(Everyone is done eating)
Tabuu: Now, let me introduce you to the Confessional. You will give us information about your deepest, darkest secrets.
(Count Bleck is in the confessional)
Count Bleck: Hey, I'm the first one... that's great! The winner of this will either be me, Dimentio, or Mimi.
(Admiral Bobbery is in the confessional)
Bobbery: By jove, I think I'll win!
(Daroach is in the confessional)
Daroach: I have the Squeak Squad with me. We can't lose.
Tabuu: Okay, your first challenge starts in one hour.
Doc: If this is our first challenge... it cannot be hard! It HAS to be easy!
Donkey Kong: You've got that right, Doc!
Mr. Game & Watch: I have no worries!
Dimentio: Neither do I. If you are worrying right now, Mimi, I'll keep you safe.
Mimi: Stop hitting on me, Dimentio!
(Mimi is in the confessional)
Mimi: He's a creeper. Sometimes, at least.
Meta Knight: This will not be hard.
Captain Falcon: Nope, not at all!
Jody: Why would it be?
(Everyone is standing at the edge of a tall mountain with large barrels rolling down)
Ninten: This is bad.
Meta Knight: I should be more careful.
Dimentio: Yes Mimi?
Mimi: Never mind.
Ms. Mowz: What do you think, Spinni?
Spinni: Not hard.
Ms. Mowz: It won't be.
Episode 2. Never doin' this again... (Part 2) Edit
Mario: Hey, this is-a just a rip-off of my-a first adventure!
Donkey Kong: Which one was that?
Mario: You-know, the one with-a the barrels... called-a Donkey Kong.
Donkey Kong: Oh yeah.
Tabuu: Let me tell you how it works: You run up the mountain with the barrels falling down, jump over the barrels, and stand up there. Blocking your way are falling barrels, falling fiery barrels, live flames (don't ask), and oil wells. There are hammers you can use to destroy the obstacles. You know what? I'm gonna have the Blast Bombs go first.
Wario: Wa-ha, we're first!
Rawk Hawk: Anyone else wanna go before me?
Rawk Hawk: No? Okay then.
(Rawk Hawk jumped on the mountain, jumped over the obstacles and stood on top)
Rawk Hawk: Oh yeah! Feeeeeeeel the Rawk!
Captain Falcon: My turn! (Climbed up the mountain, jumped over a few barrels, grabbed a hammer and smashed a live flame, and began climbing a ladder) Yeah! I rock! (Made it to the top)
Samus: (Rolls eyes)
Ike: Let me have a shot at this!
(More coming soon)