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The Science of Santa Claus

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The information about children's behavior stems from a personal pipeline Santa Claus has to children's thoughts via a listening antenna that combines technologies currently used in cell phones and EKGs. A sophisticated signal processing system filters the data, giving Santa clues on who wants what, where children live, and even who has been bad or good. Effectively, it gives him advanced neuroimaging capabilities that tell him that Mary in Miami hopes for a surfboard, Michael from Minneapolis wants a snowboard, etc. Later, all this information is processed in an onboard sleigh guidance system, which provides Santa with the most efficient delivery route. The system serves as a fail-safe backstop to the letters Santa receives via snail mail from around the globe.

Santa's sleigh is far more advanced than any modern form of air transportation. The truss of the sleigh, including the runners, are made of a honeycombed titanium alloy that is very lightweight and super stronger. The truss can also morph, altering its shape slightly to improve its aerodynamics – allowing it to cut through the air more efficiently. The runners on the sleigh, for example, have some flexure. This allows them to tuck in to be more aerodynamic during flight, and then spread out to provide stability for landing on various surfaces – such as steeply pitched roofs. The sleigh is also equipped with electronics that are beyond military-grade, including laser sensors that can detect upcoming thermals and wind conditions to find the optimal path. This makes the flight smoother and more energy efficient. The focus on efficiency and a smooth ride has also led to the development of a nanostructured "skin" for the sleigh that is porous and contains its own low-pressure system, which holds the air flowing around the airborne sled onto the body, reducing drag by as much as 90 percent.

Santa's well-known team of flying reindeer are equipped with side-mounted jetpacks. The jetpacks are powered by cold fusion and are arrayed in such a way as to create a stable reindeer-sleigh system. The sleigh's reins are used to not only direct the heads of the reindeer, but to direct the orientation of the jetpacks for precision flight. But even with an unlimited power source and phenomenal speed, population growth would make it impossible for Santa to visit all good girls and boys if it weren't for relativity clouds. Based on his advanced knowledge of the theory of relativity, Santa recognized years ago that time can be stretched like a rubber band, space can be squeezed like an orange and light can be bent. By the early 1950s, he had found a way to take advantage of relativity clouds: controllable domains – rips in time – that allow him months to deliver presents while only a few minutes pass on Earth.

Santa's "magic sack" is a sort of nano-toymaker that uses a reversible thermodynamic processor to create toys for good girls and boys on site. That cuts down significantly on the overall weight of the sleigh. The magic sack uses carbon-based soot from chimneys, together with other local materials, to make the toys by applying high-precision electromagnetic fields to reverse thermodynamic processes previously thought to be irreversible.

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