"The Onion Ring"

Zoo Bomb Salamander






October 29, 2010

Episode chronology
Previous episode

The Cameroon Bomb

Next episode

Jurong Bird Branch

The Onion Ring is the fourth episode of the Zoo Bomb Salamander series. It aired along with a special video called The Zoo Bomb Salamander Cursed Onion Ring Tape.


Three zoo bomb salamanders watch an Animal Wonderland video. The lord gave the Obuse 3 points, Agonize Causer 9 points, and K-C Salamander 88 points. The lord chose the winner, K-C Salamander, for the Animal Wonderland.

Four zoo keepers in Animal Wonderland


Zoo keeper #1: "No, true story, true story. But um, that's not why we're here tonight. You guys here about this video?"

Zoo keeper #2:

Zoo keeper #3:

Zoo keeper #4:

Zoo keeper #1: "No! No, this is a different kind of video, okay? You watch this video, and then you get a phone call from a guy, and there's a voice on the other end, and he tells you something, and then the next month, the same day, and the same time, something bad happens to you."

Zoo keepers #2-4: "Woah!"

Zoo keeper #1: " guys wanna watch it?"

Zoo keeper #4: "Uh, yeah."

Zoo keeper #1 shuts off the lights, puts on the tape, and then static comes flashing to a blurry piece of an onion ring. See the tape transcript here.

The video ends and zoo keeper #1 turns the light back on, and ejects the video, and suddenly the phone rings.

Zoo keeper #1: "Hello?"

K-C Zoo Bomb Salamander: "Did you watch the cursed onion ring tape?"

Zoo keeper #1: "Yeah, why?"

K-C Zoo Bomb Salamander: "October 22." (laughs)

Zoo keeper #1: "What happens on October 22?"

K-C Zoo Bomb Salamander: "What is your career?"

Zoo keeper #1: "A zoo keeper, why?"

K-C Zoo Bomb Salamander: "You're an onion ring." (laughs eerily)

Zoo keeper #4: "What was that? What did he say?"

Zoo keeper #1: "I think he just called me... an onion ring."

Narrator: "October 22."

Zoo keeper #4: "Dude, seriously? You know what time it is, right?"

Zoo keeper #1: "Time for a-uh, -nother video?"

Zoo keeper #3: "It's been exactly October 22."

Zoo keeper #2: "Exactly."

Zoo keeper #4: "Remember the phone call from a guy on September 22, right?"'

Zoo keeper #1: "Oh yeah! I wouldn't worry about that."

Suddenly the lights go out, K-C Zoo Bomb Salamander chuckles, and the cursed tape turns on showing the well.

Zoo keeper #3: "What was that?"

Zoo keeper #1: "Okay, guys. Where's the remote?"

K-C Zoo Bomb Salamander comes out of the well, and comes closer.

K-C Zoo Bomb Salamander: "Hey!" (laughs)

Zoo keeper #1: "Oh my god."

K-C Zoo Bomb Salamander actually comes out of the TV screen.

K-C Zoo Bomb Salamander: "Guys don't mind if I drop in, do ya?" (laughs)

All zoo keepers: (screaming)

Narrator: "See what happens when we return."

K-C Zoo bomb salamander casts a crazy spell enough times to turn all the zookeepers into onion rings.

Narrator: "October 23."

K-C Zoo Bomb Salamander: "Well, it's friday. Do you have any fun plans for the weekend?"

Onion ring #1: "You turned us into onion rings."

K-C Zoo Bomb Salamander: "So?"

Onion ring #2: "We have no arms or legs."

K-C Zoo Bomb Salamander: "Yeah, all your mothers are vegetables."

Onion ring #1: "Humans! They're humans!"

K-C Zoo Bomb Salamander: "Uh-uh. They can't be humans and foods. Vegetables are foods."

Onion ring #2: "I know! They're not! They're humans! I was a human!"

K-C Zoo Bomb Salamander: "No, they're not. They're vegetables, like you guys."

Onion ring #2: "We were ever humans too, you moron."

K-C Zoo Bomb Salamander: "Yeah, and elephants are microwaves." (laughs eerily)

Narrator: "October 24."

K-C Zoo Bomb Salamander: "Another day, another dollar!" (laughs)

Onion ring #1: "Onion rings don't have any money."

K-C Zoo Bomb Salamander: "Hey! Hey, onion rings! Hey, onion rings, hey!"

Onion rings: "Not listening. Go away."

K-C Zoo Bomb Salamander: "Onion rings! Hey! Hey, onion rings!"

Onion rings: "What?!"

K-C Zoo Bomb Salamander: "Which one of you is the ringleader?" (laughs)

Onion ring #4: "Go away."

K-C Zoo Bomb Salamander: "Hey! Hey, small ring! Hey, small ring! Over here!"

Onion ring #3: "What is it?"

K-C Zoo Bomb Salamander: "Your family's king is an onion." (laughs)

Onion ring #3: "My family's king has to die."

K-C Zoo Bomb Salamander: "Yeah, and hey, hey big ring! Hey, big ring! Over here!"

Onion ring #4: "What?!"

K-C Zoo Bomb Salamander: "Your 12th great grandfather's an apple." (laughs)

Onion ring #4: "My 12th great grandfather has to die too, you moron."

K-C Zoo Bomb Salamander: "Whatever. You were born a-round and no action." (laughs eerily)

Narrator: "October 25."

K-C Zoo Bomb Salamander: "Hey! The week is over, and hey, hey medium-small onion ring! What did you eat for dinner? Did you eat a calculator with a fork?" (laughs)

Onion ring #2: "What kind of question is that? I don't even have arms. How am I gonna even touch a fork?"

K-C Zoo Bomb Salamander: "Hey! Hey onion rings!"

Onion rings: "What?!"

K-C Zoo Bomb Salamander: "Can you do 240 total push-ups in 1 minute?"

Onion ring #1: "What kind of question is that? Point of fact, K-C salamander. None of us have arms. How are we gonna do one push-up? How about how long can you just shut up?!"

K-C Zoo Bomb Salamander: "Ooh! Ooh! Let's find out! Start the timer... now!"

After 1.3 seconds, K-C Zoo Bomb Salamander starts babbling.

K-C Zoo Bomb Salamander: "Nya-nya-nya-nya-nya, nya-nya-nya-nya....." (laughs eerily)

Narrator "October 26."

K-C Zoo Bomb Salamander: "Hey! Hey, onion rings! Hey!"

Onion rings: "WHAT?! WHAT IS IT?!"

K-C Zoo Bomb Salamander: "Say hello to orange."

Onion ring #2: "Is that guy always this annoying?"

Opticon: "Yes. But it gets worse when they both use air horns."

K-C Zoo Bomb Salamander: "Hey! Hey onion rings!"

Onion rings: "WHAT?!"

(K-C Zoo Bomb Salamander and Orange both blow their air horns)

Onion rings: "Aaaah!"

K-C Zoo Bomb Salamander and Orange: "(laughs)"

Onion ring #2: "Why would you do that, man?"

K-C Zoo Bomb Salamander: "Opticon did it."

Onion ring #2: "Opticon didn't do it. I saw you."

K-C Zoo Bomb Salamander: "Blame Opticon!"

Onion ring #2: "No!"

Orange: "Uh-oh. Guess what, onion rings?"

Onion rings: "What?!"

Orange: "Air horns. (blows the airhorn, K-C Zoo Bomb Salamander does the same thing)"

Onion ring #2: "I can't do anything. I can't even hear myself think."

Orange: "It's funny cause it hurts. (laughs eerily with K-C Zoo Bomb Salamander)"

Onion ring #1: "Ugh, this is the worst week ever!"

Narrator: "October 27."

K-C Zoo Bomb Salamander: "Well, it wednesday. We're halfway to the weekend! (laughs)"

Onion ring #4: "I can't believe it's only Wednesday and started on Friday. All these days feel like such a Thursday."

K-C Zoo Bomb Salamander: "What? It can't be wednesday and thursday at the same time."

Onion ring #1: "No, it FEELS like a thursday."

K-C Zoo Bomb Salamander: "That's over easy for you to say. (laughs) Which one of you is the ringleader? (laughs)" Pitbull: "(big bark)"

Orange: "(shreiks)"

K-C Zoo Bomb Salamander: "Whoa, whoa, whoa. Easy now. That's just my dog Pitbull."

Orange: "Why is he eating an onion?"

K-C Zoo Bomb Salamander: "His favorite food is onion. Is that guy serious? (laughs)"

Onion ring #2: "Hey, orange. Why won't you stop making stupid puns and change us back?"

K-C Zoo Bomb Salamander: "Because! I like having you a-round! (laughs)"

Onion ring #2: "I quite possibly hate both of you the most, and I also hate the most is both of your stupid puns!"

Orange: "How about a little more colonel cornface and pepper for a bunch of winers? (laughs)"

Onion ring #2: "Listen up. Either you change us or I'm gonna kill you."

K-C Zoo Bomb Salamander: "Never! (laughs)"

Orange: "You're an apple. (laughs)"

Onion ring #1: "Ah, I can't take it! Someone end this right now! I can't take anymore stupid puns and life as an onion ring!"

K-C Zoo Bomb Salamander: "Uh-oh. Guess what, onion rings?"

Onion rings: "WHAT, (bleep)?!?!?!"

K-C Zoo Bomb Salamander: "Pitbull."

Onion ring #1: "Yes! I am so outta here!"

Orange: "Uh-oh. Where ya going, onion ring?"

(Pitbull taking onion ring #1)

Onion ring #1: "Yes! Ow, ow--"

(Pitbull taking onion ring #2)

Onion ring #2: "Thank you! End my misery! No more puns! No more--"

(Pitbull taking onion ring #3)

Onion ring #3: "Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh--"

(Pitbull taking onion ring #4)

Onion ring #4: "I regret nothing! (laughs) Nothing--"


  • Dane Boedigheimer as K-C Zoo Bomb Salamander, Orange
  • Kevin Brueck as Zoo keeper #1
  • Joe Bereta as Zoo keeper #2
  • Jenya Lano as Zoo keeper #3
  • Dan Henian as Zoo keeper #4
  • Bobjenz as Opticon


  • The onion ring crazy spell was "zoo keeper, onion ring-er"

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